I do not live with bombshells or blowouts.
I do not have a violent home.I am not in immediate danger.
But I do see a gun at my head
with every misstep.
Because it could really matter.
Everything is connected and I am imperfect.
And I see you, too. More imperfection.
How can I stop being so goddamn disappointed?
And I am not hung up on "my socks need to all line up, matched in my drawer" perfection.
My house is a mess.
I am talking about defects in character, integrity, honesty. Failure.
The Christian says we are all fallen sinners from birth to resurrection.
The Buddhist says no perfection, no imperfection. You are at birth.
Compassion is the antidote for suffering.
The warmth and acceptance of what is
slides right over the disappointment
sometimes like water, sometimes like flame.
compassion for yourself is the starting place; what you're doing is digging into your life and really living it, that makes it easier to see those imperfections, but imperfections are all there is down here in the grit of daily life.
ReplyDeleteI love this. Really beautiful. Really true. DH and I fall on the buddhist side of christianity, too, I think. Life is suffering. But accepting that, we can transcend it and find the joy.
ReplyDeletejustalittledust, thank you for commenting! I find "the grit" to be enlivening and frightening. I had a major breakthrough after a dear friend told me that just because I could see the darkness, didn't mean I had to stare at it.
ReplyDeleteI like that. I feel crazy wearing rosy colored glasses, but that makes sense to me.
Mindy-- thank you! I love your comment.
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful! And life is suffering.
:)
It was good to read this again today. Not staring at the darkness. . .
ReplyDelete